How Do I Get Rid of the Toxic People in My Life?
Unless we have advanced very far in our life (and if that’s the case, you’re probably not reading this article), we all have people that irritate us, make us feel uncomfortable or don’t treat us well. We try to defend ourselves, cut them off or run away, but even when we do, it seems like they recreate themselves in the form of other people or situations. What should one do about that?
Not everybody is sensitive to the same things – the same situation can cause one person to feel like their life is not worth living, and another person might not even notice that something has happened. I therefore propose that if one is sensitive to something, the reason behind that sensitivity should always be explored.
If the bodymind is sensitive to something, it is because it has had a negative experience in the past that has not been resolved and that keeps recreating itself in one’s life. For example, if I felt like I didn’t receive enough support from my mum as a child and this situation hasn’t been resolved, I will subconsciously be looking for the same experience, because this is what my body has learned to associate with support. In order to support me, my body will therefore attract situations when I feel unsupported and rejected by older women in supporting roles (such as my thesis advisor, my boss, …). If I felt like my dad is emotionally unavailable and makes me feel isolated, this is what I would associate with love and this is what I would go for in friends and lovers - because this is what the body has learned as love. And this is why I would always end up with similar circumstances, even if I stopped talking to some people.
If somebody’s behavior offends us or hurt us, it is absolutely a good idea to take action. The problem starts when we think that we wouldn’t do anything without the pain. We start holding onto our pain as a shield, as the proof that what other people have done to us is wrong. The question is, who do we need this proof for? It is often because we don’t actually feel like we have the right to have our own experience or the right to say no to people, and that is a much bigger problem.
We think that if we stop suffering, it will make whatever people do to us OK. That is of course not the case. I would like to invite you to consider that you absolutely have the right to your own truth and to see that when you stop suffering, you are actually able to make clearer decisions and take effective action. Our abilities to make a change in our lives are hindered, when we subconsciously hold onto our pain, because we feel like we need it to have the right to say no or defend ourselves, or because we subconsciously associate certain kinds of pain with support, comfort or safety.
I would even suggest that the term “toxic people” is not very useful. It shifts focus from you, who has absolute power over what you do or say or how you view the world, onto somebody else, who is doing something to you. You can not do anything about what other people choose to do, but you can take back control over what YOU do. If you focus on your reaction, other people just show you what you have inside. This approach allows you to get a chance to notice the patterns that no longer serve you and heal. When you see other people as something that is mirroring your negative associations back to you, you get all your control back and along with it an opportunity to transform pain into a better life. And when you heal, the subconsciousness stops looking for these situations. This might not be something that you have experience with – I for sure didn’t believe it was possible - but you can take my word for it. I live the proof every day.
So how to resolve this negative experience that is influencing your life right now?
See the pattern that you create in your life. You might not remember the original event or series of events that caused it, but you can discover it by examining what was happening over the course of your life.
Observe how you behave and what you feel and be honest with yourself. If you are trying to pretend that you are not hurt when you are, the person that suffers the most damage for it is you. It’s ok to feel hurt, even if you think that you should be over it.
When the pain appears, accept it and express gratitude to your body for trying to get your need met. Also notice that the price that you pay for having your need met in this way is too high.
Remember that no matter what happens, it is about what YOU experience – this is why some people don’t attract situations like that or are just not influenced by them. What you experience is something that you have absolute power over. The other person is just an actor that you subconsciously chose to recreate something in your life.
Release the past bad experience, that formed the negative associations with positive needs, from your body and energy field. This allows you to start with a clean slate and free up your subconsciousness to start looking for more positive ways of fulfilling your needs. Metaphysical Anatomy Technique (MAT) offers a gentle and effective process that allows you to do precisely that. You can join me for an MAT level 1 training in Prague to learn how to use it yourself, or book your free 25 minute consultation with me today to explore what can MAT do for you and how much better your life can get.